YUCK! I’ve just fallen victim to Second Hand Book syndrome. Regular library goers will know exactly what I’m talking about. Borrowing a book is not for the faint hearted. Pussies need not apply.
I don’t mind the idiot-proof dust jackets. Or the yellowing pages. I'll even forgive the crudely doodled genitals. After all, wear and tear is a book’s badge of public approval. Scan my book shelf at home and it’s clear from their broken spines and bruised faces which paperbacks I hold dear. My copy of If This Is a Man has all but disintegrated.
Generally speaking, library books are wonderful tomes of enlightenment. But every so often, lurking deep within their papery gills, is a spectacle so foul it’ll make your eyes weep blood. I’m talking of course about the rogue nose-bogie. Some churlish oik, too damn lazy to find a tissue, fishes an emerald nugget from their hooter and smears it across the page. And there it festers, like a tiny green corpse, until it’s unearthed by the next library goer.
Maybe that’s why library attendance has continually dropped since 2005. The general public, forced to play snot roulette with each turn of the page, has finally had enough. To all you clandestine mucus miners: stop picking your nose and save our libraries!
I don’t mind the idiot-proof dust jackets. Or the yellowing pages. I'll even forgive the crudely doodled genitals. After all, wear and tear is a book’s badge of public approval. Scan my book shelf at home and it’s clear from their broken spines and bruised faces which paperbacks I hold dear. My copy of If This Is a Man has all but disintegrated.
Generally speaking, library books are wonderful tomes of enlightenment. But every so often, lurking deep within their papery gills, is a spectacle so foul it’ll make your eyes weep blood. I’m talking of course about the rogue nose-bogie. Some churlish oik, too damn lazy to find a tissue, fishes an emerald nugget from their hooter and smears it across the page. And there it festers, like a tiny green corpse, until it’s unearthed by the next library goer.
Maybe that’s why library attendance has continually dropped since 2005. The general public, forced to play snot roulette with each turn of the page, has finally had enough. To all you clandestine mucus miners: stop picking your nose and save our libraries!
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